i wont see nic this weekend, he's going home to nc.

i almost dont want to go see heather though...cause i know it'll be too emotional. and i can't deal with anymore emotions right now. im a huge ball of them as it is.

plus i think i'd enjoy the time without the brat the asshole and the comedian.

maybe ill just sleep the whole entire time their gone.

i have a really bad ear ache....its the opposite ear that it was the other night. and my throat is starting to hurt.

paiiiiiiin lots of it. i hate takin meds....

im talkin to jr...i've always cared for him...but i did stupid things to make things harder. as i said...this seems to be my way. he has this great personality when he's not down on himself. but i know what it's like to doubt yourself and everything about yourself. i'd like to be there when he pulls out of it and realizes how beautiful a person he is.

michelle leaves for fl on the 25th....we need a break lol. she's been up my ass, and i hers....for much to long.

nic and i had a huge huge fight. i mean i really thought he was just going to say 'to hell with you' and walk out of my life. and i was so scared. i've never been that scared.

tonight i went to red lobster with michelle and phillip. and nic happened to call. phillip is just a friend...but everytime nic calls im with a guy friend. and it makes him mad. he tried to tell me that if i called him and he was with some girl i'd be mad. well no i wouldn't because i trust him. however, he rarely has time for me...he shouldn't be spending it with others. that's selfish i know..but if i were with some friends and he said hey im available....i'd drop them to be with him. because i see him that rarely. if i saw him more often i would never do something like that to my friends. i mean if it bothers him that much i wont see my guy friends as often. but he keeps telling me it's fine. but it's not fine! he wouldn't bitch about it if it were fine! grr.

ok

calm

down

breathe in..........

scream......

breathe out......

i feel better.

last five
take that turn a little sharper next time - Monday, Nov. 21, 2005
the truth - Sunday, Oct. 23, 2005
the floodgates are open - Tuesday, Oct. 18, 2005
what a mess - Saturday, Oct. 15, 2005
shitty beginnings - Saturday, Sept. 17, 2005