trouble in paradise
on Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 at 10:19 am

here lately i've been seriously thinking over the relationship nic and i have. i dont know if it's what i want. i know i dont want to be alone, and i love nic. but i dont know if the way the relationship is going is what i want. the ultimate goal in dating someone seriously is to get married. at least that's my ultimate goal. nic wouldn't ask me to marry him, and even if he did it would be after he got out of medical school. that's too far away. that's a really long time to have to wait for someone else.

in some ways i feel that if i love him i should wait as long as it takes.

but i also feel like i have a whole life to live and i dont want to live it under someone elses shadow.

right now my life revolves around nic, he's the first thing i think about in the morning and the last thing i think about at night. and it's getting exhausting. he's made it pretty apparent that there are a lot more important things in his life than me. and that i dont get the priority i place on him.

i dont know why im letting myself do this to me. it's like everyone else see's the way i let him treat me, but im just now starting to realize it. michelle has said many times that she would have already been gone.

and joe says he sees no love there.

i love him.....i just dont know that he loves me.

maybe nic and i need a break?

i dont know anymore....

im so confused.

last five
take that turn a little sharper next time - Monday, Nov. 21, 2005
the truth - Sunday, Oct. 23, 2005
the floodgates are open - Tuesday, Oct. 18, 2005
what a mess - Saturday, Oct. 15, 2005
shitty beginnings - Saturday, Sept. 17, 2005